can things just be a tiiiiiny bit less complicated? that would make me less stressed. moving back in is a bitch, just like my mom is a bitch. i'm hoping i can still go to disneyland for his birthday, if i can save up enough money. school is easy this semester i just don't care. i can't seem to care about anything else. i say one thing, i do the opposite. i guess i'm like him in that way. maybe we were supposed to just be friends though. maybe thats a good thing. but i can't help but love him and want to be with him. maybe it will work out, not right now. definitely not right now. but he still says he wants to marry me. i still want to be with him.

if anything this whole situation has taught me soooo much about patience. and i am the most impatient person ever. and jealousy, this has definitely cured my jealousy. and my problem with smoking and the importance of friends. so as shitty as this has all been, i've learned a lot. hopefully that will improve our relationship if we ever are together again. we'll see.

just about had it with everything. stress is getting to me. it's too hard to pretend like things are alright. once things start looking up, they go straight back down. first time i won't see him in like, a month. good thing i have class with him tomorrow. should be interesting. oh fucking well.

oh and fuck my brother.

i love my life right now. my friends couldn't be more special to me. my love life, well we'll see where that's headed but i like the direction it's taking. i'm content with myself right now and trying not to be so judgmental. i'm working on my attitude towards everything, trying not to be negative, trying to stay on top of school. i love my coworkers, they keep me laughing constantly and are definitely the best i could ask for. my brother's a douchebag, but the rest of my family i enjoy. i can't WAIT for october, disneyland with someone i love. it should be amazing. start savingggg. i'm going to be 6 years old again.

everything has been perfect the past two weeks. no complaints, until tonight.

and if you're going to stalk me, then be prepared for what you're going to read. that's your fault for not being able to handle it.