i think that i just fucked up everything i worked so hard for the past year. i went through so much between december 09-september 10 to be with the person i've wanted to spend my entire life with and all i've done the past couple months is fuck it up again. no i'm not perfect, i never said i was. i've always been insecure, i just need to learn to get over it. not everyone who comes into his life is going to steal him away. not every girl he glances at is going to be the person he leaves me for. he might not even leave me at all from now on, but i guess i have to wait the next couple days to see if he actually loves me. i have to sit on the edge of my chair, wait for his call or his text to see where our relationship goes from here. i hate that i have to wait for him. i dont want him to leave me. it was hard enough the first time, i cant even imagine how it will be the second time. even driving to my parents from there, i wondered how much of a crash i would have to cause in order to kill myself. i'm scared of losing him. and i'm scared of what i'm going to do if he does. i don't think i can live through that pain again.
