so i'm kind of worried about where this is all going. i don't feel special anymore. i don't feel truly loved. i don't feel wanted. why do i always have to initiate things? does my not being naked or wearing cute undies not count as being ready? i'm sorry but when that happens i feel unwanted or not attractive so why would i want to try and start something after that? this is all so stupid. HOW HARD IS IT TO JUST HAVE SEX WITH ME. ugh

so i decided what i'm going to do for cory. its nothing special and since he already has all the songs i'd give him, i'm just going to make a playlist of 3 or 4 songs for each year we've been together. i guess its just documenting our life together so far. there will be happy songs, sad songs, angry and even suicidal. but nothings ever easy, and our relationship definitely hasn't been. but its been worth it. so its nice to see how it works out through song. i thought it was a good idea anyhow. :p

i've been learning some interesting things lately. looking for a second job. hours at disney have been cut way too much and i can barely pay for anything. BUT, on the bright side, things with cory and i have been much smoother. things have been looking up and continue to get better every day. it's hard to forget the past but my friend told me something that really stuck with me. "don't keep looking in the past unless you plan on going back there". i definitely don't want to go back so i'm just going to let things go. it's a new relationship anyways so it's completely new. old feelings don't matter, past mistakes are in the past. i'm ready to have a real relationship, not a high school one full of jealousy, dependency and fighting.

i just bought bambi on blu ray and tangled comes out march 29th. i am super excited to see that!