i wish things could just be easier said then done. but what would that really accomplish? would anyone actually learn anything that way?

i feel so torn. torn between doing what is "right" and what is "wrong". but who even decides what those choices are? i feel like, whatever i have been doing, has been working... to some extent. but what happens if i change and do something else? would what's happening still be happening? i don't know what to think anymore. i wish i could just stop thinking.

maybe those four years was it. that's the end of the story. our story. but we're both still here. BOTH. i'm not the only one, it takes two. two to keep it going, two to keep it alive. it's still alive. i can feel it. but what am i waiting for? for you to just come back into my open arms and for everything to be better? i know it won't be that easy, even if you decide to "come back". i just hope it is easier than the way things are right now. i don't know what to believe anymore.