well, i find myself here again. in this spot where i don't know whether i should move on or stay.

my reasons for staying:

pretty simple, i love him more than life itself. there is nothing that i wouldn't do for him. i have built who i am with him and vice versa. we've spent so much time together, so many years of memories and just pure happiness. yeah we had are arguments, we always did, but the good always outweighed the bad. no matter how intense or how pathetic, we still love each other regardless. and we still do. i know he's in love with me still, i can tell, and he has told me. we know that we're never going to get over each other, so why try? i can't give up on someone who is so much a part of me and who i care for more than i do myself. i know he is who i want. i know he is who i want to share my life with. he always has been, he always will be. he fits my criteria in every aspect, even exceeds in some. i just love him. there's no other way to describe it i guess.

my reasons for leaving:

he isn't necessarily treating me like crap in the way that i'm looking at it, but everyone else is saying that he is. and maybe i'd be able to see that if i did leave. because i wouldn't be directly in it. everyone says i deserve better, who knows if they are true, or if they even know what i deserve. why should i deserve someone better? what makes me so good to even deserve that? and of course the obvious reason for leaving would be her. but even trying to get into all that detail would just be insane. basically, the rebound girl got way too attached. and he attached too, but obviously the feelings for me never left otherwise i wouldn't be here right now writing about this. now i'm just lost on whether i should just let her have him or not. i feel almost selfish still being here fighting because i had him for four years, i should let her try. haha. but its not what he wants. if she is what he wanted then he would just be with her. simple as that. and she isn't. what a surprise.

anyways, i'm just stuck. but i'm also scared. i know that if i leave he won't try and stop me, because he thinks i deserve better too. the one time i said i wanted to give up he told me finally, but then said he didn't want me too. he knows that if i let go and move on that he won't have me, that he'll lose what he has here. i just want to give him what he wants, i just want him to be happy. and as long as he is telling me to come over and that he wants to see me, i guess that's what i'll do. i can't give up on him. i can't let go. i love him far too much. i've been here for four years, she's been here for four months. does that mean anything? other than that i'm really committed...what's the use in giving up now? i'm in it for the long run :]